Rameez Bhat
Marriage is one of the most pious and highly revered occasions across the cultures and faiths, a mystical union of souls that binds together two people for the entire life. But owing to the variegated intrusions it has witnessed is more of a concern in the current times.
Are we losing the plot?
Kashmiri wedding traditions are unique. There are several things which make Kashmiri wedding traditions quite distinctive from the traditions of other communities. However, this holy union has undergone a swath of changes and its essence is fading at fast pace. Arrange & engage in cooking delicious meals ‘wazwaan’ but it should be as simple as possible. Don’t add unimportant things to it in order to show dignity & shower an impression on others. These things get noticed all the time & are put before one & other in a more complex way as ‘demand’. Dowry, being one of them, is a necessary social evil. To get hitched is good but why to hiccup others. These given utmost attention & preference are nothing but ‘Biddah’ (unnecessary increments). Which results in trauma to parents & suicidal bag for others. We should care about the other members of society. In a society, we live in interdependence and any change favouring vague will automatically force every single individual to go with it. However, exceptions can’t be termed out. On a positive note, two souls can interpret and preferably can change two families without wasting time & notes.
A Bond defining Togetherness and Tradition
Marriage ceremony is an important social duty performed by the families and it takes shape in presence of huge social gatherings. Plenty of people are invited in the dinner parties by the families of both bride and groom by strictly following rituals from the pre-wedding to post wedding ceremonies. Starting with matching the horoscope of the bride and the groom (sitaar). Our people stress on checking the compatibility between the family of the bride and the groom, check the backgrounds of each other’s family, reputation and status (Family Tree). Most likely a Middle man/woman fixes the dates of the wedding after matching the horoscopes and then the two parties agree to go with it. After that several steps are followed in the pre-wedding period like Vaana, Livun, Wanwun, Manzirat, Duribat,Devgon etc.
Vaana: Vanna is a formal engagement or commitment ceremony that takes place after the two parties agreed to form the alliance. Vaana takes place in front of an idol, which is followed by the meeting of parents and other elderly persons from the family of the bride and the groom. The two parties meet in a temple and exchange flowers that symbolizes the formalization of the ceremony. The bride’s family invite the groom to a meal that comprises traditional Kashmiri food. Cash, dry fruits, candies and a pot containing nabad (misri) is sent by the bride’s family to the groom’s house.
Livun: Cleansing of the houses of both the bride and the groom before the wedding. The participation of all female members in the Livun is customary.
Wanwun: It is the next part of the pre-marriage rituals and is held a few days before the wedding. Wanwun are actually music sessions that are held every evening at both and are attended by the relatives and neighbours of both sides. However, these things are now-a-days not being performed by some hard religious followers. Message is spreading but it will take time to make people concisely conscious.
Maanziraat: The ceremony that takes place a day before the wedding is the most depressing night, full of futile activities. All nonsensical things are performed that night. Further, coming on the ceremony, it begins with krool khanun, a ceremony for decorating the main entrance of both the houses. Then an elaborate bathing of the bride, then ‘henna’ or ‘maanz’. Women are invited in the ceremony and are served special Kashmiri meals & kehwa with saffron.
Apart from these the other parts of Kashmiri wedding traditions in the pre-marriage session include; Bariyan, sending of thaals, sending of phool ka gehna (ornaments made of flowers), mehendi (decoration of Bride’s hand, palm and feet with Mehndi), Diugun, Sanzvaru and Devgon. These things are really a burden on a poor family. A poor girl rejects marriage proposals because of these factors. This type of marriage system in Kashmir has become a hell of fire. People wedded through such ceremonies rarely last for years. They only sow poison for other fellows and also in person end with the same fate – living dead.
Reviving the Charm again
Then, it comes to the reception of baarat; the groom and his party by the bride’s family, First, Vidai: (the farewell of bride from her home) and then welcoming the newly-weds at groom’s house. The newly wedding is also followed by some post-wedding rituals like, Satraat, Phirlath, and Roth Khabar. On a lighter note, these things make no real sense. They only add burden to the poor families. This is the cause ‘love marriages’ are preferred over ‘arranged’ one’s viz. court marriages etc. to avoid extra time consumption in fixing dates and other futile deals. “Baje kore henz czhopei gye ankaar”- but marriage is a commitment (solid union). What I want to say is, “get married but always be open for other’s & never try to show off.” Please carry your daughter or son’s marriage in a social way, leaving a moral print for others to follow. Arranging feasts & squandering all along is letting us all down. Simply trying to be simple won’t be a problem.
