|| ZIA WASIM MALIK
With society holding employment as the basic “pre-requisite” for getting married, the drying up of government jobs – biggest employer in the state has rendered thousands of educated youth ineligible for marriage. Unemployment creates the sense of insecurity and frustration among marriageable boys and girls leaving them with an uncertain future. The Kashmir is predominantly a Muslim dominated region and the population of non Muslims is negligible.
The religion of Islam advocates and encourages early marriage but contrary to the Islamic teachings the anti Islamic traditions and customs are being practiced and consequently promoted and endorsed. According to National health profile 2015 compiled by Central Bureau of Health Intelligence under the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare the mean age of marriage for females in J&K is higher than any other State.
Unless a person doesn’t spends lakhs on Wazwaan (a local cuisine ) he is looked upon as inferior or in Kashmiri terminology as a “shikaslad” (impoverished person)
In Kashmir from past two decades the average age of marriage for male has increased 24 to 32 and in females from 21 to 28. In 2010 a research study conducted by the Kashmir University’s department of Sociology revealed that 55% of total population of Kashmir never actually gets married even after attaining standard marriageable age. 6 years had passed to this study and it’s logical to make assumption that the percentage would have increased and not decreased.
The research was based on the ‘’Detection of the chromosomal abnormalities in an ethnic population of Kashmir Valley’’.
This is undoubtedly a worrying trend from religious, psychological, social, and scientific point of view. The prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم has said “oh young men whosoever among you have means to get marry should get married” Further more prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم has stated “The marriage is my sunnah whosoever shuns it is not amongst us” these two sayings of prophet clearly indicates that not only marriage is obligatory upon Muslims who have means but also excludes a person from category of Muslims who willingly disobeys this commandment.
Kashmiri society the family of a women seeks a man who is an government employee because that’s a kind of a job which has a secure tenure and other perks and furthermore majority of families of both men and women want that their son or daughter should be married to one who is from the same profession for instance doctor for a doctor, civil servant for a civil servant similar barometer are applied for other professionals as well.
In another saying Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said “A person who marries completes his half of the religion” This hadith can be interpreted by considering the duties which a person has to perform after getting married for instance upbringing of children’s fulfilling the obligations towards ads the spouse and their relatives etc and fulfillment of these obligations completes the half religion of a person. The factors which contribute towards the late marriages is that mostly in Kashmiri society the family of a women seeks a man who is an government employee because that’s a kind of a job which has a secure tenure and other perks and furthermore majority of families of both men and women want that their son or daughter should be married to one who is from the same profession for instance doctor for a doctor, civil servant for a civil servant similar barometer are applied for other professionals as well . Such things are obviously time consuming and it takes years together to find a suitable bride or groom by applying such unnecessary things.
Most important factor rather a custom which is prevalent in Kashmiri society is the extravagant spending on the marriages. Unless a person doesn’t spends lakhs on Wazwaan (a local cuisine ) he is looked upon as inferior or in Kashmiri terminology as a “shikaslad” (impoverished person) The developed notion in the Kashmir is that in order to call a marriage as “best” the maximum hefty amount possible should be spent on the marriage irrespective of the fact weather a person is having requite economic resources or not contrary to the teachings of prophet who has said that “Best marriage is the one in which the least expenses had been made” the Quran terms the extravagant persons as the siblings of devil in Surah Isra 17:27. The extravagant spending on marriages had severely affected the institution of marriage and severely affected the institution of family and in turn responsible for late marriage because extravagant expenses make the solemnization of marriage expensive, difficult and economically speaking a tough task to perform. Again contrary to the commandment of holy Prophet where he said “Make the marriage easy least expensive”
The late marriages are also responsible for growing immoral activities and illegitimate sexual intercourse among our young generation because such acts seem to them as only available options to satisfy their sexual needs or best they suppress sexual desires which in turn effects a person psychologically According to psychologists the suppression of sexual desire may lead to short temper, intolerance etc. undoubtedly the marriage had been made as one of the difficult task to solemnize in our society because we follow the anti Islamic traditions more than the Islam itself. The marriage is more burdensome for the family of the bride because its they who had to host the maximum number of guests from grooms side and the number of guests depends upon the grooms will as how many persons he wants to accompany him for the “baraat” and they are to be served the Wazwaan (local cuisine) apart from giving valuables to both the bride and groom in the form of jewellery and gold item’s. In rare case if bride turns to be a lucky than there may not be a demand for dowry otherwise the bride has to take along with her the various valuable items like electronic gadgets etc.
Research showed that genetic abnormalities in newly born babies were directly proportional to increased maternal age. Females who gave birth to their babies after 35 years of age had 75% chances of giving birth to genetically imperfect babies.
This again is in anti Islamic practice whereby the family of the bride is most of the times forced to give valuable items. This custom of dowry has infiltrated in Kashmiri society from the Hindu society where this custom has been practiced from times immemorial. The late marriages also result in various medical complications predominantly higher rate of infertility among the lately married couples. An eminent Professor of Gynecology and Obstetrics at Government Medical College Srinagar mentioned that “The most fertile years in a woman’s life are between 18 and 28. The fertility curve drops with age. This is nothing new but the problems arising out of late marriages are something that appears new to us,” She further said that egg stores of women are depleted with age and this sometimes becomes detrimental for her chances of conceiving.
“Few years ago there was a cardinal research conducted by the Department of Immunology And Molecular Medicine, SKIMS. The research was based on the ”Detection of the chromosomal abnormalities in an ethnic population of Kashmir Valley”. Research showed that genetic abnormalities in newly born babies were directly proportional to increased maternal age. Females who gave birth to their babies after 35 years of age had 75% chances of giving birth to genetically imperfect babies. Other medical complications which are associated with late marriages include difficulty in conceiving, potentially increased risk of general maternal health problems, higher risk of miscarriages, like high blood pressure, increased risk of children having congenital complication, and prolonged labour while pregnancy.
This is the high time for the all the Kashmiris in general and youngsters in particular to introspect where are we heading towards before the satiations turn grimmer. The youngster because should take lead in this matter and to desist from spending extravagantly on marriages and to stop the practice of demanding and giving dowry which is both anti Islamic and antithetical to the law of the land. They should also prefer the simple marriages according to Sunnah (traditions of Prophet and not the biddahthe (innovated customs) as Islam says that every un- Islamic innovation leads to shame and every shame leads to hell fire. The religious scholars should strive for promoting the Islamic concept of marriage so anti that Islamic customs are rooted out from Kashmiri society. In every society or nation the youngsters are the one who set the trend let the contemporary Kashmiri youth take the pledge to uphold the Islamic values and to start the trend of solemnizing marriage in way in which least expenses are incurred so that a precedent is set for the other generations and situation are changed from bad to good and anti Islamic to Islamic.
To make marriages simpler and inexpensive, Humsafar Marriage Counseling Cell was established by Islamic Dawa Center in 2005. The bureau organizes marriages in austere and religious manner and discourages extravagance. In a place like Kashmir where women still are not considered as the bread winners of the family, those with government jobs are preferred for marriage pulling many women towards higher education. With the warnings like decrease in population, mental depression and suicidal tendencies; solutions suggested by the experts include guest control and legal ban on dowry practice, and marrying children at early age in religious manner without extravagance.
(Author is pursuing research in Anthropology and can be reached at [email protected])
